ron white if you quit listening i'll shut up transcript

Fuck, I dont know. Cheers, this is just special, right here. He didnt say that. [silly voice] Just lunch and a blowjob! Lady in the first show goes, Whats in it for the woman? Im like, Lunch. [high-pitched] Its just lunch. Turns out its a solid one. Watch Ron White: If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up on Netflix, This story has been shared 41,150 times. It was juvenated, it became un-juvenated, it needs to be rejuvenated. Ill come back over and pay you. This is what he says: Well, those dont look like the socks of a man who would steal an egg. Yeah, they sure the fuck dont. Theyre like, Ooh, look at that one. Which one? 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Im not, and Ill tell you why, because if that piece of shits calibrated wrong, I could be convicted of something I didnt even do. He goes, Then I need you to do a field sobriety test. Im like, Just tell me what to do.. In the summer, I keep a bowl of limes right next to the salt shaker, and Ill just get a lime, squirt a little lime juice in there, little bit of salt, hunker down, do some pussy shots. And these guys are laughing and dancing and drinking, and theyre having a fucking blast. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up This is my new idea. 1:03:21. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Just confirm how you got your ticket. [whispering] Charming. Bain de Soleil sunless tanning lotion for dark skin only, and apparently I was getting down, cause it was on my nipples and the inside of my thigh. Cause were looking for a gag gift, and if that doesnt gag her, I dont know what were going to use, cause its gotta be something big, you tell me. Is The Nurse On Netflix Based On A True Story? I dont know how strong they were. Britain's most talented young bakers wow judges with cakes, biscuits, breads and more in this kid-focused spinoff of "The Great British Baking Show.". Nobody gives a shit. My doctor the other day said, Ron, you cannot gain any more weight, and I said, Thats what I thought. My wifes on my ass about me taking better care of myself. Coming Soon. Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Jurassic Park Movies Ranked By Tomatometer, RT25: Celebrating 25 Years of Rotten Tomatoes, Weekend Box Office Results: Super Mario Joins the Billion-Dollar Club. Remove Ads Cast Crew Details Genres Cast Ron White 63 mins More at IMDb TMDb Sign in to log, rate or review Share Ratings 1 fan 3.3 Let me show you some skills. I got to go this year for the first time in my career to do stand-up in Europe, and I did shows in Amsterdam, Edinburgh, Scotland, and London. Not two eyeholes like those other sluts. The other day I was watching Tarzan, the new Tarzan movie. Im not gay, but I have these moments. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. Even when he forgets a line he's funny, he's never panicking, on the contrary he'll make it even funnier. Why? Nothing could make this better. Youre just fucking just Some red lipstick on that nose, this would be hot as fuck. Im not gay. Go see what it is. Wake up those fucking dogs you bought. And Im driving, and I look ahead, and theres a sobriety checkpoint and Im like Fuck Which is what you say when you see a sobriety checkpoint. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. She goes, Look, its just on the wrong channel. Click. Theres an opening act that makes between 100 and 200 a week for nine shows, the feature act, which is what I was, makes between 400 and 500 bucks a week for nine shows, and a headliner who can make absolutely anything depending on who they are. Hes a more believably real-life incarnation of The Beverly Hillbillies, growing up poor in dusty, rural Texas, only to strike it rich in comedy, and move in with his newest wife into a home theyve built in Beverly Hills. Nobody would give a shit. I wouldnt do it. You and her were standing in the kitchen and looked at that lime. You think you know tender but you really dont. Im a 61-year-old raging alcoholic, motherfucker. Or thats what it said in the deposition. I dont give a shit. Now, I think its a little strange that vaginal rejuvenation is fine, yet its illegal to roll back the odometer on your car. He always believed in my talent, but not my work ethic. 'Succession' Season 4 Finale Date: When Is the Last Episode? Now Im not saying Ive never driven drunk, because Ive drank so much in my life, now on the back of my drivers license, theres a list of organs I need. There were porno movies everywhere, but the porno movie that caught my eye was called Fat Midgets Fucking Fat Midgets Two. That guy cant drive my fucking car. [whooping] Um The other day, um Jeff Jeff Foxworthy and I were Jeff has a special on Sirius called The Comics Mind, and hed been talking to me about doing it. Im sure youre grateful. So Im all set up. And not the fuzzy sweater, lovable slurring kind of drunk uncle, either. I really do. Starring: Ron White Watch all you want. You guys are amazing. I I got nowhere to be. Its very short. Im going to open a chain of restaurants that only sells baby goose pussy lip tacos. Cause there aint no goddamn women there. We dont even want it. This happened last Wednesday at The Comedy Store in LA. [cheering and applause] When Jeff got big enough to take somebody with him, he took me with him, which was an amazingly gracious thing for Jeff to do for me. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. Vaginal rejuvenation. You let me think, I went my whole life, that Id pissed in Joe Paines fucking bunk bed?, So my wife and I, we both tour extensively, and, uh she bought us two dogs, which, you know, just makes touring easier if you have a couple of dogs to drag with you on all those flights, and she bought us two French Bulldogs. It was a story about a town in the Middle East where, by law by law, the women who live in this town have to wear burkas with one eyehole. Coming Soon, Regal Thats the worst thing you can be as a little kid is a fucking bed-wetter. Now the reason I know this term is, I have lesbian friends too. So unhappy, theyre willing to bleach it until it becomes a more desirable color. You know, the fame and fortune and all that? And I said, I dont think so, but I kept thinking about it, and I realized its changed me in two ways. Probably a big glass of tea with a big slice of lemon. And I was there with a woman I couldnt stand eventually. My platform was a little different than our presidents platform. This 10-digit number is your confirmation number. He goes, Well, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer, and I said, Well, heres the bad news, Hoss. Since the Blue Collar Comedy Tour first started in 2000, Texas native Ron White has always stood apart from the other three stand-up comedians as the odd man in. Theres nothing you can do about it. And he said that the Golden Corrals the best place to find these people cause he says thats where the really big girls like to winter. Watch Ron White only on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/in/title/80244900Follow NETFLIX IS A JOKE:Facebook: www.facebook.com/NetflixIsAJokeTwitter: www.twitter.com/NetflixIsAJokeInstagram: www.instagram.com/NetflixIsAJokeSUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/29qBUt7About Netflix:Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with 130 million memberships in over 190 countries enjoying TV series, documentaries and feature films across a wide variety of genres and languages. By continuing, you agree to the Privacy Policy and All right. Im there for eight months. The one I saw was called, Its Just Lunch, and what they do is they just hook people up, and they have lunch, broad daylight, right in the middle of the day. If you tilt that a little bit, you can get it through that door. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018| Maturity Rating:TV-MA | 1h 3m| Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. This is what this DJ says to me: Ron Every time a celebrity calls our station, we always ask the same question: If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be? And I said Living. And he tried to explain it to me. I dont know if it just looks tired or sad, or worried about something it cant do anything about. I was leaving a party the other night, and this buddy of mine goes, Hey, Ron, can you drive? I was like, I can drive I cant get pulled over.. Just lunch. You got to unwrap a few to get the one youre looking for in a sight unseen situation. Im better at oral sex than Ive ever been and I think its just because Im older and Im just more patient than I was when I was young, because cause now Ill lay there for hours and let you do your thing. Im fucking over it. So I decided to spend the night at Joe Paines house, who had been my friend since I was six years old. Get married, dont get married. Jeff sold more comedy albumsthan Richard Pryor and Bill Cosby combined. And the guy that played Tarzan was a really, really handsome fella, and he was really a good-looking guy, but I was watching it, thinking, You know, if that guy from Thor, Chris Hemsworth, was in this, this would really be a better movie, cause Id just rather look at Chris Hemsworth without his shirt on. What the fuck did you just think? 2,003, This story has been shared 1,911 times. Members can watch as much as they want, anytime, anywhere, on any internet-connected screen. But I took her to Vegas. Baby goose pussy lips makes wagyu beef [laughing] Okay. Another service they offer at this spa is a thing called vaginal rejuvenation. This conversation got so goddamn out of hand. 'Citadel' Episode Guide: When Do New Episodes Premiere on Prime Video? Stream It Or Skip It: 'Tom Jones' On PBS, A Romance-Focused Adaptation Of Henry Fielding's Novel, Stream It or Skip It: 'Spring Breakthrough' on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries Proves We Need More Keesha Sharp, Stream It or Skip It: 'Hearts in the Game' on Hallmark Just Might Be the Network's Movie of the Year. Copyright Fandango. I have sleep apnea, which keeps my wife awake. ", Stream It Or Skip It: 'Moonage Daydream' on HBO Max, a David Bowie Biography That's More Sensual Experience than Documentary, Personality Crisis: One Night Only Finds Punk Pioneer David Johansen Recounting His Many Lives, Stream It Or Skip It: 'The Legacy of J Dilla' on FX/Hulu, Exploring The Life, Beats, And Career Of The Late Hip-Hop Hero, Stream It Or Skip It: Little Richard: I Am Everything on VOD, A Biodoc As Vibrant As Its Subject, The Peter Pan & Wendy Sea Shanty Is An Ear Worm That Will Haunt Your Dreams, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Peter Pan and Wendy' on Disney+, Director David Lowery's Lightly Visionary Disney Rehash, Where Was Peter Pan and Wendy Filmed? So Thats it. 5,838, This story has been shared 5,093 times. Get some Brylcreem and some dippity-do and a hair dryer. Your email address will not be published. And he comes up to me and goes [high-pitched] Mr. Do you have any advice, Mr. White? Now, Id just got off the ugliest phone call Ive ever had with my wife, and it was about that house, and part of that house was gonna be a rehearsal space for her band, and while I was shooting a pilot in Vancouver, it turned into a 24-track recording studio. This one takes a bit to get going and funny, but once he starts, he keeps it going hard. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. Steals my sandwich. I would have missed the boat if I was in the porno business right there. [mooing] Welcome to our giant all-you-can-eat food trough. Golden Corral? The shit that should have never got said got said, it just spun into this big shit storm of fuck. But let me tell you something, folks. Director Tom Forrest Writer Ron White Star Ron White For all New peeps to my channel, plz like and Subscribe and hit that Notification bell for Future Videos.Weekly. Im out of here. Well, Ive been here, but Ive never been here, and if I only Dead. And it turns out I had no problem with it at all. , and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. I ordered the movie. I fucking hate em. Geese arent natural. You know, they do that now. 13,103, This story has been shared 7,786 times. [Ron White] You ever take a crap so big your pants fit better? Thats the whole plan. And traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. Profane. He also tweets@thecomicscomicand podcasts half-hour episodes with comedians revealing origin stories:The Comics Comic Presents Last Things First. Ron White - Take 2 Viagra and demand a pat down. It was so fucking funny. [sobbing] I had nightmares about it my entire goddamn childhood. Thats why. This is, uh This is brilliant. And we decided on a date that we would do it, and we decided to do it from the Punchline here in Atlanta in front of a live crowd, and it was really fun. I have a back-up plan to curtail the goose population in America. But oddly enough, I do have a suggestion for this. Baby goose pussy lips makes wagyu beef taste like boot leather. No, you fucking didnt. And I know some guys that have had one homosexual experience or two or 10,000, doesnt make a fuck bit of difference to me. And so, White closes by turning back time to talk about a weekend in December 1996, when White opened for Foxworthy in Las Vegas at the MGM Grand, while Engvall opened for Reba McEntire down the strip at Caesars Palace. And we go out that night, it was one of the funnest nights of my life, uh We had been friends for ten years, so we were young comics together, and thats whatwe used to talk about as young comics. Tap "Sign me up" below to receive our weekly newsletter My uncle was a Baptist preacher, and I was at his little white clapboard Baptist church in a little bitty town in Texas and I was sitting Vacation bible school. 3,036, This story has been shared 2,003 times. Im like, Theyre gonna know. Im also an idea man. Ron White..Spa Day..If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut up..Reaction!! That aint drunk at all. Where is Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up streaming? It follows Bert Kreischer as he spills on bodily emissions, being bullied by his kids and the end to his familys escape room outing. Is 'Are You There God? My beer is cold. But why settle for fictional tall tales when you can sit back and enjoy Whites actual road stories. Verified reviews are considered more trustworthy by fellow moviegoers. These places are packed to the fucking rafters at 2:30 in the afternoon, seven days a week. Whats the problem? I said, I ordered a movie, it said, Please enjoy your feature film, but nothing came on the TV. She goes, What did you order? Cast Away. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. [high-pitched] Thats all. Because this dick wont suck itself. That Yale snob fucking piece of shit, fucked me out of so goddamn much money. After his miner grandfather's death, Pancho travels with his wife and kids to his hometown, where chaos ensues with his relatives over the inheritance. Ill show you dick.. But it sure helps to have a headliner believe in you like Foxworthy believed in White. Its got 750 yards on it. Nobody in this fucking room would do it. Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. Privacy Policy A young man's trip to attend a funeral and a wedding on the same day leads to a journey of self-discovery when he's captivated by a chance encounter. So I dont have go out and party money. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). Required fields are marked *. Dont worry about them. But I know if I wake her up trying to have sex with her, shell hit me in the face with a bucket of nickels I just spotted on the nightstand. Thats something we dreamed about and it fucking happened. And The Comedy Store in LA is a really pretty big place. Baby goose pussy [tripping over his tongue] makes wagyu beef taste like boot leath boot All right, Im gonna rewrite this sentence. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up TV Special 2018 1h 3m IMDb RATING 6.6 /10 892 YOUR RATING Rate Play trailer 0:24 1 Video 2 Photos Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. If You Quit Listening I'll Shut Up opens with soundbites from White's previous specials, then we see him onstage, in a crisp suit, revealing to his fans how fame and . Somebody asked me to do this story. Cats die when they touch the road. Cause I dont have the answer to a lot of lifes questions. It says, Please enjoy your feature film, but nothing comes on the television. All rights reserved. Or didnt use to, anyhow. After Id been there for a little while, I found out there was one part of Hotel Street on Oahu that you go to, and these really cute girls that jump in your car and blow you for five dollars. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up subtitles | 27 subtitles Oh, you can see it in their eyehole. Hes still having too much fun. Because the most jacked-up cooch Ive ever seen in my life is way better looking than my ball sack. Im like, Oh! And traditionally during the week, these three comics would go to the mall and those two comics would watch that comic spend money. Besides, if youre at that point in a make-out session, youre gonna do it anyway. Im like, Really? These are two broke fucking fingers. A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. But White, with a cigar in his hand and a tall glass of tequila always filled on the stool by his side onstage (a tequila brand he sells on his website, btw), remains the real character. I got like 20 tweets from one guy, going, My wifes pussy was burning like No, you didnt. And nobody wants our shit anymore. I hope you guys enjoyed it. 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A young man's trip to attend a funeral and a wedding on the same day leads to a journey of self-discovery when he's captivated by a chance encounter. So when Bill gets finished, he comes down and does a set with us and when we get done with our shows, Bill and Jeff wanna go drinking and gambling, and I want to go to a prayer meeting and a poetry reading that Id heard about. This goose comes out of this pond like a fucking killing machine. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. You imagine how I think fucking now what Id do to you. Its a dating website and I actually saw another dating website that made me think of mine. Just below that it reads "Ticket Confirmation#:" followed by a 10-digit number. My pizza is done. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. I left everything in my room, and I tell the guy, Listen, I got to go back to the hotel. No, this has to fucking happen. We wont be able to verify your ticket today, but its great to know for the future. And I was like, Goddamn, Ray! He said, Well, shes had three kids. Im like, What, for lunch? Thats what I do. What? Your Ticket Confirmation # is located under the header in your email that reads "Your Ticket Reservation Details". Is that Glen Campbell or Nick Nolte? So if youre ever in Beverly Hills on Sunday night, go to the Four Seasons. So I really had to call and promote these shows and get everybody to come out, and I called this radio station in London. Now, I dont know whats wrong with your vagina that makes you think it needs to be rejuvenated. 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I got a good idea, Tommy. Its baby duck pussy lip taco night, and get there early, because, uh, parking. Just getting her done, and He wasnt there, but the three of us were. [laughing] Seems like Id have something else to say after that. Now Ive got questions. 'Succession' Season 4 Episode 6 Recap: "Living+", 'Succession': Tom and Shiv's "Bitey" Game is the Horniest, Most Effed Up Thing Theyve Done Yet. We decided to break it up, and Vegas will make you horny if you let it. Television?. Whats she doing to Wilson? password | 846 views, 6 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 1 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from The Power Trip: Lil' B and Meatsauce take on Justin Gaard and. 4,772, This story has been shared 3,426 times. Whats the record? I dont have that kind of mirror or that kind of friend. Im on the back porch of the church, eating my little sandwich, six years old, drinking my Kool-Aid. Fuck it. But she was well within my budget. Your email address will not be published. You cant fix stupid. our special coverage of the white house correspondents dinner starts right now neck . And he had bunk beds in his room, and Joe Paines on the top bed, Danny Davis is on the lower bed, and Im on a sleeping bag on the floor, and I wet the fucking bed, and Im, like, mortified. Im not a 21-year-old, puking cheap tequila through my nose. Theyre watchdogs. Big old round uns, big old muumuu and 400-plus, great big old big uns. Okay. So Ive just driven from Dallas to Sacramento to make $400. Do not try that at home. While I was in Canada shooting a fucking pilot! 1,911, This story has been shared 1,802 times. Apparently there were some unanswered questions in Fat Midgets Fucking Fat Midgets. Yeah! His jokes are cynical, full of satire and sarcasm and that's what makes it good.

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