cassandra syndrome support group

While it is not legally acceptable to do so, we know that silent discrimination happens, hiring decisions are not always made public and competition can leave someone with a different profile out of the picture. The wife is simply not believed. Cassandra Syndrome. Thank you so much! When I love you, I will want to understand how it impacts you. The impact on being around one is actually worse. CHADD Affiliate Locator - Find a local ADHD support group in your area. While I agree with you that many couples in neurodiverse relationships, of course, have typical types of problems that all couples cope with, thats not the entire story. (Willey 2001. p. 164). Tutoring reports, evaluations of group activities, personal diaries, family recordings and other such records often provide valuable insights about the likelihood of Aspergers. About this group. Your email address will not be published. I literally had no idea what I was getting myself into. Newest Cassandra groups Jakarta Cassandra Users 28 Members Started Nov 22 in Jakarta, Indonesia Houston Cassandra Users 20 Members Started Oct 12 in Houston, USA Chesapeake Java Users Group 34 Members Started Jun 8 in Pasadena, USA Seoul Cassandra Meetup Group 13 Members Started Dec 16 in Seoul, Korea (South) Distributed Data Phoenix 48 Members My work is always client focused and I work with individuals, couples, families and companies. Tina, there is an awesome support group on meetup.com I know that it is still online, but it is something. Adults with ADHD tend to express their feelings directly and fairly clearly whereas adults with Aspergers do not show a wide range of emotions. I feel very comfortable with dating or being in social situations with others. The label "Asperger's Syndrome" began to be used in 1997 in the USA. Our groups are facilitated by Lisa Anzuldua, one of our caring team members. Plan and facilitate client education and support groups. I reach out to one of them privately if I'm having a particularly difficult time at the moment. Nothing was ever spontaneous. Just call me Cassandra! Along with these thoughts are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in order to reduce stress or to prevent something bad from happening. And clearly there is not a person at fault here, only unintended consequences and lack of understanding. While in Mark's group, I completed homework exercises. I did everything I could to save this marriage; counseling, pastors, psychologists, prayer and a very strong religious/ moral orientation. Cassandra Cowie-Blanger, M.Sc.A RSLP. The characteristics of Aspergers must be noticeable in infancy or early childhood to receive the diagnosis of Aspergers. A person is diagnosed based on the signs and symptoms he or she has rather than the results of a specific laboratory or other type of test. If not, please consider joining anyway: You can watch the video-recording of the sessions, follow along with the assignments, and message other members as needed anytime you want all of which will be the work needed to heal.First-time members registration fee is $99.00 but only $79.00 thereafter (if you decide to go another round). He couldnt, and still cant, see anything from our point of view unless we have specific, hard evidence. Thanks, Maya! Cassandra Syndrome can also cause a neuro-chemical imbalance in the brain. There is a similar difference with respect to impulsivity. I really dont understand this idea that women cant be autistic. NT family members, over time, begin to reflect the persona of AS behaviors we live with, 24/7. After speaking to him last night I started doing some reading about the feelings from my side that have motivated my input to what I now realise has contributed to the downfall of our marriage and found cassandra syndrome. There is a lot of true hatred and misinformation that is spread across the internet regarding neurodiverse people. I have had many cases where I was able to conclude with confidence whether the person had Aspergers without seeing one single piece of written evidence about that persons past. Those signs and symptoms are often subtle and it takes someone with considerable experience to tell whether they are present and, if so, whether there is enough of a case to say confidently that the person has Aspergers. If the neurodiverse relationship isnt recognized, and both partners dont get on the same page to try to relate differently to one another, they arent likely to make as much progress as they otherwise would. They can consider what other people are thinking much easier than adults with Aspergers and they participate in the give-and-take of social interactions more readily. Required fields are marked *. Welcome to the Cassandra Syndrome Recovery group on Facebook. I may not realize how something is impacting you, but if you talk about it, I may be able to recognize how it impacts you. I am also a Consultant of Cassandra Syndrome. This is an excellent article thank you and I'd appreciate it very much if I could be kept in the loop with further research developments on this topic. Acceptance of the diagnosis can be an important stage in the development of successful adult intimate relationships. To claim that any group of people has no empathy is a damaging accusation. They may be overly sensitive to one kind of sensation and avoid that persistently. His world is black and white, except when it comes to his own behavior. Adults with ADHD, on the other hand, understand social situations more accurately and they engage much easier in social situations even though they are easily distracted and often not observant of whats going on around them. Thanks so much for this article. Good for you for recognizing and believing in yourself, rather than the world around you. This unethical behavior has caused families immense pain and devastation. Individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) disregard and violate the rights of others. The easiest way to understand Cassandra Syndrome is to relate it to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). They readily understand when a statement such as, its raining cats and dogs is being used as a figure of speak and not as a literal statement. People with Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) avoid social relationships and prefer to spend time alone. An example of this is difficulty noticing whether people are bored or not listening in conversations. I have ONLY seen Cassandra syndrome talked about in literal hate groups. A simple feeling or intuition isnt enough and is not understood as being valid;. This is an excellent overview for both the clinical reader and for parents. Your group experience will help you with: Validating and understanding the source of your anger, shame, hopelessness, frustration, resentments, and fears. See if the changes I made fixes it! They may be frustrated, claiming that their partner refuses to talk about emotions, is overly controlling, 'narcissistic' or blames them when things go wrong. In my clinical experience, they also often have greater social skills at blending. However, these relationships can also have problems, as you point out. For people who suspect they have Autism Spectrum Disorder and want a professional evaluation, I provide a comprehensive assessment of these conditions. PARTNERS of Alexithymics face unique challenges that are often misunderstood by others, creating an atmosphere of isolation and loneliness. Individuals with both conditions engage in repetitive behaviors and resist the thought of changing them. The person may be able to identify basic emotions, such as intense anger, sadness or happiness yet lack an understanding of more subtle expressions of emotions such as confusion, jealousy or worry. I was wondering why even though he is highly intelligent (Yale MBA) he does not seek professional work. Genetic studies suggest the two disorders share genetic risk factors, and studies of the incidence and distribution of both conditions confirm that many people with Aspergers have symptoms of ADHD and vice versa. I want to find out about the persons significant relationships, whether they are friends, work colleagues, spouse or partner, children or anyone else with whom the person interacts regularly. Brain imaging and studies of the brain structure show similarities between the two disorders. Provide individual, child and family counseling to clients. . My heart goes out to those who are experiencing the symptoms of Cassandra Syndrome. For more information and support regarding the Cassandra phenomenon, visit the Families of Adults Afflicted with Aspergers Syndrome website. It will help you clarify your present relationship dynamics, overcome hurts concerning attachments in early life and with your current relationship, and align your heart and brain toward constructive decisions and actions. FYI: Im limiting the group to 30 members or less, because I want there to be plenty of time for one-on-one attention (although you wont be required to talk if you dont feel comfortable doing so). Not once in 33 years did I ever hear my spouse say, how are you, or how was your day? There were religious rules about everything and especially about money. It is well and good to practice responses and being prepared, but if I am just sitting with him at breakfast and suddenly, his inability to read a timetable so he can figure out whether he's going somewhere tomorrow triggers a meltdown, it's 0 to 60 in less than a minute, without warning. What therapy is best for adults who have Autism Spectrum Disorder? The NT partner may feel like they are losing their mind. It is commonly assumed that Aspergers makes someone too difficult to be around, unable to get along with people, too narrowly focused on their own interests, and too stubborn, self-absorbed and lacking in empathy to be a contributing member of society, a view that is narrow in its own right and sadly mistaken in many cases. Typically, along with this discomfort is lack of eye contact and difficulty communicating effectively. If, for example, the core characteristics of Aspergers lead a person to speak in few sentences, interact with people only around very narrow, special interests and communicate in odd, nonverbal ways, we can say that these are indicators that a diagnosis of Aspergers is correct. A woman of strength and conviction, Shelly. The questionnaires and scales for adults are as follows, in alphabetical order: These questionnaires indicate whether a person has characteristics that match those of people with Aspergers but that, in and of itself, doesnt prove someone has or doesnt have Aspergers. An example is previous medical reports documenting signs of early language delays and/or peculiarities, coordination problems, behavioral difficulties or unusual physical problems. First, I explain that certain characteristics are central to Aspergers syndrome. Private In some cases, the NT wife has been emotionally deprived for so long that its to the point now where there are mental and physical ramifications. Someone with Aspergers is socially awkward, cannot read or use body language or facial expressions well, have difficulty making eye contact, cannot understand sarcasm and jokes, tend to take things literally, may display socially inappropriate behavior without realizing it, have obsessive interests and may have problems with sensory issues. However, I am still pretty traumatised by the marriage that had come to be. Currently there are nine screening questionnaires that are used to identify adults who may have Aspergers. And again, I wasnt censoring you. Hey Nora! My experience is that my ASD partner having a meltdown is exhausting, even if I retreat to another room for both our sakes. Everything matters..everything is dissected and analysed. Cassandra Syndrome. Freakier still is that, several years ago, without yet suspecting my husband was on the spectrum (despite the fact that his father was textbook, and not very high functioning [ended up homeless and then in assisted living for nearly three decades], and every sibling also displays strong traits), and without ever having heard of this phenomenon, I voiced several times that I "felt like Cassandra from the Oresteia." In Greek mythology, the god Apollo, gave Cassandra the supernatural gift of prophecy as a way of trying to win her affection. there was never any asking or awareness that we may be doing something else. Liane Holliday Willey is an educator, author and speaker. Ya, intellectual empathy is hard to grasp or for many to consider real empathy. Our group process aims to take you from feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, alone, confused, hurt, and afraid to having confidence in yourself again and peace in your heart. Everyone's different." How is it possible to tell for sure if someone doesnt understand subtle emotions? If this need is not being met - and the reason why is not understood - then mental and physical health will be negatively affected. They are withdrawn because it makes life easier. This is unrelated to the painful details youve otherwise stated. "Cassandra syndrome is the neurotypical (NT) spouse's experience of emotional suffering that results from distressing interpersonal relations with a spouse who does not understand, empathize with, or validate the NT's pain and sorrow." MARK HUTTEN M.A. People with OCD have better social skills, empathy and social give and take than those with Aspergers. We were all in a place of searching for a better future for ourselves. The Cassandra phenomenon depicts a state of confusion, self-doubt, and inner turmoil that is all too familiar among neurotypical people who, when describing their experiences with an adult on the spectrum, are doubted, discounted, ignored, even rejected by friends, family members, and sometimes professionals who disbelieve their account. Reading about Aspergers in a book or articles generally makes it seem that Aspergers is a clear cut, well defined and easily identifiable condition. They may talk a lot and have more one-sided conversations as do adults with ADHD but they do so because lacking an understanding of how the person they are talking to is grasping what they are saying they are, in effect, talking to themselves. Diagnosing Aspergers is a fairly easy process in principle. But the nice thing about this group is that the ladies can support one another in between our sessions on Skype. Releasing/resolving resentments in the present and fears about the future. You try having post-natal depression with an ASD husband!! To cultivate self-love and re-alignment with your authenticity. I am a clinical psychologist in San Francisco with 30 years of experience evaluating and treating adults with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). *Also*in this regard, it is hard to separate strands of ASD from strands of regular human resistance to growing closer; for instance, my partner had early experiences that impacted his attachment style. My friend and landlady who is Aspie says, "When you've met one ASD person, you've met one ASD person. I think that in this situation, his willingness to work on the problem (which he does experience as a problem, here and elsewhere) is just not developed yet. He constantly accuses me of criticizing him. Aaaaaaaaargh! They believe that their partner gets off with a much less onerous task. He never understood. Focusing on one thing for a long time is hard for them. Cassandra Syndrome describes a woman who tries to tell others about her life with an autistic partner and is not believed. In fact, I often find it unhelpful to offer any official diagnosis to the spouses I work with other than to tell them that I think one is neurodiverse. History Group created on August 16, 2021. Loss of self. It helps when that evidence is available but it is not critical. Now when the children come back from his they are mentally exhausted and are starting to push back at him now theyre older. Adult Aspergers Syndrome: The Essential Guide. People simply dont comprehend the turmoil involved in living with Autism Spectrum Disorder symptoms. So, the support will be ongoing throughout the week, not just one hour per week. I come from a very supportive family and work as a recreational therapist in an inpatient unit at our local hospital. Feeling confused/bewildered. Symptoms of Cassandra Syndrome may include: ==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery Support-Group on Facebook. I am capable of getting along with society. We advocate here that where there are allegations of child neglect or substance abuse, divorce professionals start to screen out for the presence of Asperger's Syndrome. It is deeply concerning that vulnerable and desperate women are being taught to give armchair diagnoses of autism to their male partners and placing all the blame for any dysfunction solely on the male, while promoting reading materials and therapies that address issues that have been fabricated. None of our friends who I talked to, and including our grown kids would believe me except for a couple of counselors who understood.My husband worked at the United Nations in Vienna, Austria, was highly gifted musically and an upstanding member of the church. Women have often been accused by the medical establishment of being melodramatic and exaggerating their physical symptoms. I have watched a lot of hostile comments to my post: Neurodivergents and Love: Five Good Reasons to Embrace Neurodiversity. Do better with the victim blaming. Correct. My work is not related to the psychological field however since my task is more to this expertise I'm beginning to understand more about mental state. Dr. Kenneth Roberson is an Adult Autism Psychologist in San Francisco with over 30 years of experience. I thought the zero empathy theory was generated by Sir Baron-Cohen from the Autism Research Centre in his books, Mindblindness, then A Question of Evil (Zero Degrees of Empathy). Misappropriating CPTSD (which is the result of prolonged trauma, most frequently during childhood) by claiming that simply dating a neurodiverse person is incredibly demeaning to people who have actually been through traumatic experiences. There can be a new sense of personal validation and optimism, of not being defective, weird or crazy. Knowing someone has Aspergers opens up avenues to resources for help as well as access to programs to improve social inclusion and emotional management. They are hyper-focused rather than unfocused. And, as I warn them, "Each of you will believe that you are doing most of the work.". I had crippling arthritis and all sorts of health challenges during this time. Join our caring Cassandra Syndrome Support Group where you will find growth and understanding from others who are living your experience. Of course, it is possible that people in someones life will react to the diagnosis of Aspergers by alienating themselves from that person. The person is afraid that he or she will make mistakes, look bad and be embarrassed or humiliated in front of others. He doesnt believe you are listening to him unless you agree with him. The couples in it are just great! Oh gosh, you are so right! He put a curse on her so that no one would ever believe her. I find it difficult to imagine what it would be like to be someone else. Copyright 2023 Couples Therapy Inc., all rights reserved. (Mark, you may share this testimony on any platform publicly with my first name displayed.) After all, if the husband was character disordered, he might get proper help and change. It was an especial relief to read this quote from Maxine Aston (I'll look into getting her book): "She will be saying things like []He treats me like an object he is obsessed with routine. The assessment process itself is time consuming and it can be costly. I find it easy to read between the lines when someone is talking to me. They do not tend to have specific weaknesses in their understanding and use of language. Most importantly, Aspergers is a form of autism whereas people with SPD have a neurotypical brain and have developed into a personality of extreme introversion and emotional detachment. -Dr. K. Grateful for the even-handed public education. But there is also the Cassandra Syndrome or Cassandra affective Disorder (CAD) which is a series of symtpoms that are commonly felt by the N/T person in an Aspergers relationship. I will find a career interest that is well suited to my abilities and interests. Shining a little extra light on the fact that it is always important, with every human being, to consider the whole person in addition to noting strands of commonality. However, these are two separate issues, and both are true. I just welled up reading this. I am different. I will not sacrifice myself-worth for peer acceptance. I am a good and interesting person. I will take pride in myself. I am capable of getting along with society. I will ask for help when I need it. I am a person who is worthy of others respect and acceptance. I will find a career interest that is well suited to my abilities and interests. I will be patient with those who need time to understand me. I am never going to give up on myself. I will accept myself for who I am. With the knowledge that one has Aspergers, joining a support group, locally or through the Internet can provide a sense of belonging to a distinct and valued culture and enable the person to consult members of the group for advice and support. The difference between these two conditions is that people with Social Anxiety Disorder lack self-confidence and expect rejection if and when they engage with others. "Cassandra Syndrome" is a term that Dr. Tony Attwood first coined in his book, The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome. Use tab to navigate through the menu items. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. The dominate fear associated with social situations is of being closely watched, judged and criticized by others. She will make sure you will have a safe place to talk, learn, heal and grow. Following and understanding simple conversation has become almost impossible for him. I will respond within 24 hours to provide you with the details. Implementing powerful tools for minimizing your relationship's emotional and psychological impact. Relying on a spouses or friends report about how someone recognizes emotions is not always advisable since those reports are filtered through the spouse or friends own biases and their own ways of understanding emotions. Accommodations can be requested and a rationale can be provided based on a known diagnosis. As an inter-generational PTSD sufferer myself (my mother had her own PTSD on top of NPD/borderline), I thought I understood the world. It was my sickness, not censorship, R.D., that caused my delay in responding to you until now. Completing one or more of these questionnaires can identify abilities, inclinations and behavior that could be indicative of Aspergers syndrome. Being confronted with the censorship of objective feedback and commentary, I felt compelled to seek out other parties to address the issue at hand. Living with a neurodivergent partner without support creates intense internal conflict. We will be meeting one hour every week for four weeks, but youre certainly welcome to continue as long as you need to. I was in it less than a day because these spouses (married to autistics) are calling them retarded and slamming literally everything about being autistic. This is truly mind-boggling. This practice is nothing short of racketeering and is profoundly malicious. The REASON for an ASD meltdown is different than the reason for a tantrum, yes And. They act immediately and have trouble waiting. The communication gap between autistic and allistic people isnt anyones fault, so stop trying to put the blame on autistic people. She will make sure you will have a safe place to talk, learn, heal and grow. I think the real villain is when an NT has no idea they are living and loving someone who is neurodiverse. Even if I, or the children, were upset there would be no simple hug and concern, he would be annoyed and confused as to why we were upset, especially if we should be doing something else. And I'm also thankful that I was introduced to this job role wherein I not only benefited from my work but also I'm learning in most cases the articles I read are having a significant impact on my personality as well as my understanding of people around me suffering this type of issues. His mom is his only friend, confidant and enabler. I dont suggest that anyone diagnose anyone else, although that is, unfortunately, what happens not only with the wives but with the therapists these couples seek out. Because my husband is very quiet and appears affable and friendly in public (does not talk for three hours straight on a favorite topic like his father, and this is not an exaggeration), I didn't suspect ASD for a very long time. You will be able to bond with the other members and maintain contact over the subsequent months - and even years, if desired. My goal in writing this and related posts is to share with my readers that there is hope. CS the psychological and emotional distress experienced by a neurotypical woman married to a neurodiverse man We will be meeting one hour every week for four weeks, but youre certainly welcome to continue as long as you need to. 4th of July. "This is why I felt strongly compelled to do this group (how could I NOT do it?). Exploiting vulnerable women in this way is a foul act with potentially dangerous consequences. I will accept myself for who I am. People with Aspergers think through their actions more carefully. invite you to watch this 1-minute video and sign up for our Cassandra Group coaching intensive. --- Recovery from Emotional Deprivation for Neurotypical Partners in Neurodiverse Relationships: https://www.cassandrasyndromerecovery.com/--- Group for ASD. In this chapter, I will explain how the process of diagnosing someone for Aspergers is usually carried out, both in general terms and the specific way I undertake a diagnosis. I am also available to consult about this problem. The bottom line is that Aspergers is a descriptive diagnosis. It is all a matter of confidence, that is, with very few exceptions no one can say that someone else has Aspergers only that one has a certain degree of certainty that a person does have Aspergers. This, of course, is an unrealistic and exaggerated depiction of what living with Aspergers is like. He is on the whole a good Father. THIS IS HUGE! Our groups are facilitated by Lisa Anzuldua, one of our caring team members. I have experience supporting neuro typical partners within relationships or after separation. Find a support group for other people who have partners on the spectrum. It can be exciting to consider how ones life can change for the better knowing what one is dealing with. If, on the other hand, the person engages in limited back-and-forth communication, attempts to make friends in odd and typically unsuccessful ways, and is not especially interested in reaching out to others, a diagnosis of Aspergers could be considered but not assured. I hope this date/time works for you! In fact, he was angry most of the time. If youre ready to get started, register using the PayPal. Hence a thorough understanding of early social, emotional, family, academic and behavioral experiences are essential to the diagnostic process. The phrase, He wears his heart on his sleeve, does not make sense to me. We will be doing some healing emotional work in our group. Required fields are marked *. I definitely experienced this and it did validate everything that I was feeling so thank you. Believing Cassandra is part of New Path Couples Therapy, Inc., a 501(c)(3) nonprofit. Another woman running an Aspergers "partners support group", toting Maxine Aston's bizarre doctrine and connections to hate groups like the late "Heartless Aspergers" website, convinces women their husbands have undiagnosed Aspergers and are the root of all problems. To ask a question or schedule an appointment, please call 415-922-1122. They often say things such as, "Im not the same person I used to be.

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