- 7. Mai 2023
- Posted by:
- Category: Allgemein
The damage has been done. I am beginning to think theres OW in our city as well, why else would he be out all hours of the night. One of our problems is he thinks i dont like him going out with friends etc, so I have tried very hard to work on that. You tell him you know he is lying and that you are expecting this conversation to be honest and truthful. Lol. First wife you give such excellent advice! This will never work. If you dont mind I have a question: He told me the standard line love you but not in love with you and all that crap that goes along with it. And that you know he is lying. I can only say from experience that I dont want to be right I want to cross my fingers that sooner or later he will wake up!!!!. For some reason he does not remember this conversation which baffles me. Because he knows I wont toletste anything else. I chose to REPEATEDLY try and try and try. Once I finish the book I plan to discuss a game plan with our adult children. Free therapy advice that could save your sanity. I dont want him back, I cant take him back after everything Ive been through but he has abandoned his kids and his financial responsibility, my kids are just numb to everything hes doing, (theyre teenagers) its literally like hes a different person. Hahahahaha asking someone to call if they are going to be 4 hours late is so off the Wall. We are still together b/c he realized at the last possible second I was leaving him. K. You are in a very tough position. You may want to plan differently for your future based on the information. Second was he was proving he was changing. Once you feel in control over your life, with him or without him, the panic will start to subside. If Then after a month or so of that (or maybe 2, I dont even remember at this point) he said he wanted to start staying the night to help me more, which happened to be after I told him I was moving on with or without him. we are seeing a councillor. You are not stopping him from being a cheater/drinker/party boy. But it is a calm rational approach. Hold your head up and be strong. Its so much pain. YOU let him contact you. He still is at the bar everyday after work and comes home at night. I need to TRY to just be positive and focus on ME and the baby, and stop focusing EVERY WAKING MOMENT on what hes feeling and how bad this situation feels. Everybodys got to realize that no matter what you try, more than likelyits not going to happen right away. But re/read 1 and 2 above. I think that woke you up a little bit. Those few days were SO bad for me, I really was backsliding emotionally and it was getting to me. So I appeased him b/c I did not think we would last and I wanted my financial protection. Everything was okay. I never mentioned it again. Whether he is cheating or not is secondary what is most important is that he is not putting the M first. He went out after work, didnt call or text me, didnt come home until 2am. Linda: A lot of the experts caution that even though you do come back, does the betrayed spouse want you back? It is not new behavior. I would have confronted both, demanded he move out and only let him back if I was convicted it was over! Part of me feels so confident sometimes, I feel like he will wake up and see hes insane to leave the marriage, especially when im working so hard to try to make it work even after what he has done. The most hurtful words I ever said. Its all an excuse for him. I cant prove it and if I go looking ill drive myself insane and thats not fair to me. Still in the same bed. unfortunately you were heading down this path. The typical phrases I hear are Where has the man I married gone to? This is not the man I married What could she possibly be thinking? Its like shes a completely differentperson. Everytime I start getting over that feeling and starting to love him again, he accuses me of cheating, I get angry and irritated and I go find comfort in someone else. And then he texts me Monday and says he will stay at the house since im not feeling well and he will pick up dinner to cook for us.Am I losing my mind or is that confusing in itself? Im not going to accept it. Cannot last. He eventually woke the fuck up and she went on to marry the looser she stole from another woman. If he holds this against you then he is a twisted and sick person and then you need to run far away. But He was still cheating. She keeps saying she is confused and needs space. The only thing the cheater sees is their own selfish needs and desires. It always seems to start as friendship and its like if they bite, (to any kind of online sex chat thing or whatever) he would bite back. He threw in the towel. What a big mess. Money in your own name. He swears he has no contact with the other woman anymore and that none of this is about her. I am having SUCH a horrific day today. I thanked him for apologizing. Part despair, part guilt, a dose K. I am sorry he has destroyed you. Im working out, im a great new mom, im getting in great shape and everyone is noticing, and hes waking up most mornings hungover. If I would have confronted you with the phone calls and you ended it, it would have been so much easier to forgive. My husband was always extremely faithful, and during my pregnancy he took a job in another city and would come home on weekends, etc. I think most, if not all BSs would love to have a do-over and the chance to handle things differently. I absolutely do NOT want to divorce him, I love him more than anything, but I just dont even know this person right now sometimes. I, being the chump I am, told him to go ahead and talk to her that one time because she was in crisis. It blows my mind honestly. Hes proven hes a big liar and a cheat. My husband was acting very strange and very nasty towards me. One of the main characteristics of a midlife crisis is the recognition that you're getting older, often with some negative feelings attached to it. Just to protect yourself. I get so many thoughts in my head that just completely consume me and it is so frustrating. It would not surprise me though. Just remember he is addicted to his new lifestyle. Ive always been a quick fixer so its hard to give her space. She denies that she has continued the EA but that she has been in contact with the OM. My situation is a little bit different because my CS started the affair as an online thing, she is a long distance romance, he went to see her for 2 weeks where she lives, after what seems as maybe 6 months of knowing her via social media, they apparently got engaged, at least thats what she declared on her social media, and while he is still married to me. And you have to go through all that before love can even begin to start being felt again. Like I had a t shirt on one day, and it was a manly shirt, and he asked where I got it. I didnt know we had problems so it all has been a total rollercoaster. I have been in your shoes. He may never want to work on us, especially if we continue life how it is right now. Turns out that was all a ploy to get me off the scent. No is an answer. Your observation that you would have been replaced may be accurate. I have lived EXACTLY what you are living. He wont get counseling. Again I think there is more to this story. I want to show confidence, I want to do the 180 and truly DO it and live my life to show him im still the woman he fell in love with, but I cant seem to do that. You are not HIS support system and back up plan. Justify and rationalize the cheating and lifestyle choices in any way necessary. I hate the feeling of waiting for the next bomb to drop. Yet he did nothing towards trying to restore the M. He would be nice here and there but then cold, distant and non-communicative other times. I thought he was on drugs at DDay 2. Im TERRIFIED he is lying to me and is going to go somewhere to see her. We argued once for 2 hours over an insignificant item. Either he has a serious drinking problem or many OW or something. If you dont do it now you will have given up your power to him. The second issue is the one I cannot figure out and it makes no sense to me (or you). The only thing I can say is that I did not make a fool of myself or start drinking or acting like I was having a midlife crisis. Im so much better than this. Sad to say your H has a support group who believe him. Me, almost five months, passed already. And you can tell him one day its okay by me if you want to leave. And it seems like at moments he is completely out of the fog, he seems to be here, himself, wanting to be here, enjoying it. I told him thats fine, do what he needs to do and ill sign. He was not a big drinker but he realized the error of his ways. I wish we could just have fun, We were for a while there after the separation and now it really just feels so blah. after 9-11 when people went to wok and did not come home you would THINK he would get it. You deserve better. I lived through a 4 year EA my H had with a girl in grad school. I heard from my H of 25 years that he told me I only married him to spite my parents. Even though he kept telling me how great our marriage was and how happy he was he asked for a divorce. I dont think she sees how much it hurts me. We were both really mad. Maybe give your opinion on some of the ones that I mentioned. I said my 2-3 sentences calmly and left the room. It was just the same life over and over again. I hope you can see this. Seriously crazy stuff. He thought I would wait for him to decide what he was going to do. Work, go to the bar every day, and come home and see the baby, feel like im available even though he doesnt care all that much, and then do it again. but she has told me she has strong feelings for him. He would be the VERY LAST guy you would suspect!!! am i answering his texts the right way?.All things I NEVER cared about before. For the life of me I cannot remember where, so I cant give proper credit, but here it is anyways. I am living proof it works. But we all know that bars, single men and women (out without their spouses or significant others) and alcohol can be a lethal mix of temptation and possibly more. Nothing changed. I did not want our kids to know and I was summer and they were not in school. He accused you of cheating. One day he seems to be terrified to lose me, and the next he cant get out the door fast enough. My friend came to me and let me sob on her shoulder while she told me how she and her H had gotten thru an affair 30 years before, which entailed him moving out and in with the local bartender. im praying that if we can give eachother time then we will be able to build a new relationship. Im SO terrified of getting the next text that says we need to file for divorce.
